Enjoy the Past But Do Not Live In It
For many retirees, talking about their past becomes the main focus of their life. It is understandable to hold onto memories of a loved one and talking about them can help. But my advice is to enjoy the past but do not live in it. Create new memories. You are not dishonoring anyone or anything by trying to make the most of your life today. Living life to the fullest is the best way to honor those whom you loved and are no longer with you. I know that’s easy to say but much harder to do.
It can be difficult to go forward when the love of your life is no longer there but there is a way to do it if you’re willing to ask for help. First, seek counseling. Talking about a situation can be a very healthy thing to do and exploring your emotions with the understanding that others have gone through a similar experience can be comforting and very healthy. You may find yourself helping others in the process and that is a proven path forward. When you can find a way to be of service to others, it makes your own life more rewarding. Enjoy the memories of loved ones. That is a good thing, and it is very normal. But become determined to build on those memories with new activities and find new reasons for living. Enjoy the past but do not live in it.
It's fine to enjoy the past but do not live in it.
A friend of ours experienced the death of his wife about two years ago. He was devoted to her, but she was very ill, and he spent his whole existence being her caretaker. It was a beautiful thing to see but the time came when there was nothing left to be done. We thought he would follow soon after because he was that devoted to her. But he has found a new way forward. He did go for counseling, and he had a lot of time to fill because there was no one left to care for. It hasn’t been easy, but he is starting to make a new life for himself. He loves politics so he joined a local club. He loves old cars, and he has started to go to shows and, although his age and own health problems prevent him from continuing to retore old vehicles, he enjoys hanging out with his fellow car enthusiasts and has developed new friendships and says that he wouldn’t mind meeting a lady to share experiences with. He cherishes his memories and loves to talk about when he met his wife and the town they used to live in. He would definitely be someone who would share the same advice: enjoy the past but do not live in it.
It reminds me of our children on our trip to Colonial Williamsburg. They appreciated the experience and seeing how people lived when our country was in its infancy. They thought the demonstration of the toys that children used to play with was entertaining and they enjoyed seeing silversmiths, jewelry makers, blacksmiths and shoemakers demonstrating their skills and making something right before their eyes. When we asked them if they would have liked to live in those days, the answer was a quick and decisive “no” that led to an explanation that everything we have today is better than what those poor colonists had. A couple of years later, as we were discussing vacation possibilities with them, we asked if they would like to go back to Colonial Williamsburg. They said that, although they liked it, they didn’t need to see it again. It was just as if they were saying to enjoy the past but do not live in it.
It’s possible that they may change their lives someday about the simpler way of life and, as they collect their own memories, they may develop an appreciation for what they lived through. There is nothing wrong with that as long as you’re doing something new with the memories you have of the past. Some people are absolutely devoted to colonial crafts and skills and have studied them to become proficient in them. After all, the Williamsburg artisans were people who did exactly that. It turns out one of them not only works at the colonial village but actually gives classes on his craft. When I asked him he does any of that online, he stayed true to his time and said he didn’t understand what I was talking about. But it’s amazing what you can do these days.
Two friends of ours love Elvis Presley and I’m a fan of Johnny Cash. I sent each of them pictures of the Sun Studios in Memphis when we visited and they immediately put it on their list of must-see spots. It turns out one of them has turned his interest in the past into a business that provides information and old records that came out during the early days of Rock n Roll. They’ve turned their interest in the past into something new and there is nothing wrong with that. Enjoy the past but do not live in it unless you can turn it into something worthwhile. Life is too short. It’s time to Enjoy Retired Life!
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